Getting right back where I was.
No one was hurt. It wasn't a "bad" lie.
I thought that was the end of it.
If that HAD been the end of it, I would probably be lying to you right now.
That was definitely NOT the end of it.
You see, Chatty Kelly, being the person that she is, was worried about me. When she later called my house to check on me and didn't get an answer (I don't remember but I was probably home and just didn't answer the phone), well, she called my dentist to make sure I was ok. She wasn't checking-up on me to see if I was telling the truth. She was genuinely concerned. The dentist told her there must be a mistake because I had been in earlier that week but not that day, (this must have been before HIPPA laws).
So she called me again. I don't know if I answered that time but eventually I did. If I remember correctly, she didn't say anything like "How was the dentist?" or anything like that to trick me into lying further. She just said something like, "You lied to me." BUSTED!! Yeah, I was busted. It's a good thing it wasn't a "bad" lie. Oh well. I guess I said something like, "Opps, sorry. I just didn't feel up to Bible study so I just told you that. Sorry". I then probably went on and said something like, "So what's new?". Again, it wasn't a "bad" lie. I was busted. it was over....right?
SILENCE
"Are you there?"
"You lied to me?"
"Yeah, sorry."
SILENCE
"Kelly? What's wrong?"
"You lied to me?"
"YES. I'm SORRY"
Why was she making such a big deal? IT WAS JUST A SMALL LIE! Then she was CRYING!! Can you believe it??? I couldn't!! This was getting ridiculous! She was blowing this WAY out of proportion! She was taking this personally....as if I had betrayed her trust! (hhmmmm....trust....lying.....)
"Kelly don't cry. it wasn't a big deal." I really really REALLY thought she was over-reacting.
"Then she had the audacity to say, "I knew you lied alot of the time but I never thought you would lie to me." I was SHOCKED that she would think I lied all the time. A LIAR is someone who says bad things that aren't true or someone that tries to hurt someone. I was quite sure I wasn't a liar! (she's was crying pretty hard by now). And to be honest (which I have to do now), I really didn't see what the big deal was. After all, I HAD said I was sorry. Well, she pulled it together and we said good-bye and that was it.
She was so upset that she called ET and told her what had happened. And do you know what ET had the nerve to say?!? "Of course she lied. I thought you knew. She lies to everyone". HOW DARE THEY!!
Well, either that day or the next we had a serious talk. She told me that even though she knew I often lied, it never ever occurred to her that I would lie to her. hhmmmm....Could I have been wrong all this time? I said, "You will believe me in the future won't you?". Oh No...more tears. She said she didn't know.
WAIT A MINUTE! I didn't like that. I wanted her to trust me. All of the sudden I realized that I NEEDED her to trust me. I PROMISED I wouldn't lie again and pleaded with her to believe me. She said she would try.
For about a year or so, every time I would tell her something, I would be like...."You DO believe me don't you?" I think she probably did most of the time but there was doubt for a long time.
That experience changed a HUGE part of my life. I couldn't stand the thought of her or ET not trusting me. I had thought I was SUCH a nice person...and I guess I was....except for that lying thing)! (a nice liar, hhmmm). So I made a vow to Kelly and to myself that I would never lie to her again. And you know what? I'm quite positive that I haven't since that day. At first it was harder than I expected. I would catch myself fabricating a story on more than one occassion but I always caught myself in time to stop it before it came out of my mouth.
I'm still late sometimes...ok a lot of the time.
I still sometimes don't want to do something.
I still get migraines and have to back out of things sometimes.
But I Tell the truth.
I am almost 100% sure she believes everything I say now. AND, I think she is almost 100% sure that she CAN believe me without worrying whether what I'm saying is true or not.. but it took a while. Oh, and I still have a guilt complex and feel like people think I'm lying when I'm not.......but she does have that germ phobia....and insanity DOES run in the family..... (but, sshhhh, don't tell anyone).
All in all. I think we'll be ok.
And now I can truly say....That is That!
No one was hurt. It wasn't a "bad" lie.
I thought that was the end of it.
If that HAD been the end of it, I would probably be lying to you right now.
That was definitely NOT the end of it.
You see, Chatty Kelly, being the person that she is, was worried about me. When she later called my house to check on me and didn't get an answer (I don't remember but I was probably home and just didn't answer the phone), well, she called my dentist to make sure I was ok. She wasn't checking-up on me to see if I was telling the truth. She was genuinely concerned. The dentist told her there must be a mistake because I had been in earlier that week but not that day, (this must have been before HIPPA laws).
So she called me again. I don't know if I answered that time but eventually I did. If I remember correctly, she didn't say anything like "How was the dentist?" or anything like that to trick me into lying further. She just said something like, "You lied to me." BUSTED!! Yeah, I was busted. It's a good thing it wasn't a "bad" lie. Oh well. I guess I said something like, "Opps, sorry. I just didn't feel up to Bible study so I just told you that. Sorry". I then probably went on and said something like, "So what's new?". Again, it wasn't a "bad" lie. I was busted. it was over....right?
SILENCE
"Are you there?"
"You lied to me?"
"Yeah, sorry."
SILENCE
"Kelly? What's wrong?"
"You lied to me?"
"YES. I'm SORRY"
Why was she making such a big deal? IT WAS JUST A SMALL LIE! Then she was CRYING!! Can you believe it??? I couldn't!! This was getting ridiculous! She was blowing this WAY out of proportion! She was taking this personally....as if I had betrayed her trust! (hhmmmm....trust....lying.....)
"Kelly don't cry. it wasn't a big deal." I really really REALLY thought she was over-reacting.
"Then she had the audacity to say, "I knew you lied alot of the time but I never thought you would lie to me." I was SHOCKED that she would think I lied all the time. A LIAR is someone who says bad things that aren't true or someone that tries to hurt someone. I was quite sure I wasn't a liar! (she's was crying pretty hard by now). And to be honest (which I have to do now), I really didn't see what the big deal was. After all, I HAD said I was sorry. Well, she pulled it together and we said good-bye and that was it.
She was so upset that she called ET and told her what had happened. And do you know what ET had the nerve to say?!? "Of course she lied. I thought you knew. She lies to everyone". HOW DARE THEY!!
Well, either that day or the next we had a serious talk. She told me that even though she knew I often lied, it never ever occurred to her that I would lie to her. hhmmmm....Could I have been wrong all this time? I said, "You will believe me in the future won't you?". Oh No...more tears. She said she didn't know.
WAIT A MINUTE! I didn't like that. I wanted her to trust me. All of the sudden I realized that I NEEDED her to trust me. I PROMISED I wouldn't lie again and pleaded with her to believe me. She said she would try.
For about a year or so, every time I would tell her something, I would be like...."You DO believe me don't you?" I think she probably did most of the time but there was doubt for a long time.
That experience changed a HUGE part of my life. I couldn't stand the thought of her or ET not trusting me. I had thought I was SUCH a nice person...and I guess I was....except for that lying thing)! (a nice liar, hhmmm). So I made a vow to Kelly and to myself that I would never lie to her again. And you know what? I'm quite positive that I haven't since that day. At first it was harder than I expected. I would catch myself fabricating a story on more than one occassion but I always caught myself in time to stop it before it came out of my mouth.
I'm still late sometimes...ok a lot of the time.
I still sometimes don't want to do something.
I still get migraines and have to back out of things sometimes.
But I Tell the truth.
I am almost 100% sure she believes everything I say now. AND, I think she is almost 100% sure that she CAN believe me without worrying whether what I'm saying is true or not.. but it took a while. Oh, and I still have a guilt complex and feel like people think I'm lying when I'm not.......but she does have that germ phobia....and insanity DOES run in the family..... (but, sshhhh, don't tell anyone).
All in all. I think we'll be ok.
And now I can truly say....That is That!
13 comments:
Yay - what a happy ending. Thanks for telling the story. I hope it will bless someone who is thinking the lying doesn't hurt anyone. It hurts everyone who trusts & believes in you. :-)
...and they lived happily after ever.
NOW - don't be late for Bible study today. :-) LOL!
One of my daughters seems to be heading down this road as well. As you said, they are just "little lies", no big deal. I'm going to show her both parts of your post. Thank you for writing about this.
Whether you want to use the words or not, this is an important part of your testimony....I know how much this has changed you, and your willingness to write about it will change others.
Because, we all have something that we can classify as a "white lie" sin, but it's all really all red. We just need to see that. (And, that it was your sweet sister who pointed that out to you through her love is what really got you to see it. God's using you now to do the same thing.)
Oh, who says you're not deep, girl!?
Whew! Thanks for getting me down from that tree. At one point, I thought I was going to pass out from hanging so long:)
Serious note: I am really glad you shared this story. CK is right and it will bless someone who thinks that "little" lying doesn't hurt anyone. I think you are not only going deeper in your blogs, but I also believe you just might be learning to trust a little bit more. As you expose things, and you realize people still "...really, really like you", it affirms God's love for you.
I seriously don't know you, but when I read your blogs, I get this sense that God is making some huge changes in the way you see the mountains in your life. Walls not only keep people out, but they also keep God out. I am glad you are allowing Him to protect you as you remove some of them.
...k, enough serious...
...nice post!
Oh and the truth will set you free! Free to be in a relationship!
What a wonderful sister you have who would call you on that in love and truth. My sister isn't like that. She has a BIG problem with the truth, but that's a whole 'nother post. I have a friend who would be like Kelly. But she probably wouldn't cry. She would probably slug me in the arm. And then cry and hug me.
After watching my sister all my life, I came to the conclusion that it takes way too much energy and you have to have a way better memory than most people to be a credible liar. What an ugly word. Liar. Liar, liar, pants on fire...
Great post!
Hey, you're a little late for Bible study....in fact, we're done! Missed you :-)
lol...A funny thing happened on the way to Bible Study..........
Ironic, huh? I got a phone call after I left my first comment that she couldn't come to Bible study...luckily it wasn't a dentist appointment! *grin*
I admire your courage in revealing an area that God has healed you in. I used to do the small lies too..."white lies?" Hmmm.. I think all lies are black. God really convicted me about it and thankfully I listened and changed.
A valuable story. Thanks.
I am glad this story has a happy ending. I don't like to be lied to either. I'm quite sure that no one really likes to be lied to. My husband really disliked liars. He could read lies from people really well!
Thanks for the comment!
Great story! Luckily I'm a horrible liar. :)
Thanks for finishing the story. I agree with the comments you have already received about the value in sharing this lesson.
But if I am to be honest - and that's what we're doing here, right? - the thing that stands out to me more than anything else is the great relationship you have with your sister.
You lied. And it mattered to her. And you worked through it together to rebuild that trust. You are truly a blessed woman.
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