Friday, August 20, 2010

So "They" Say...

I believe I've spoken before about who "THEY" are. You know the ones who say you shouldn't swim for an hour after eating. "THEY" used to say, "Don't lift your arms in the air while you are pregnant or the umbilical cord could wrap around the babies throat" Of course a new and much "hipper" group of "THEY'S" disagreed with the old "THEY's" (now referred to as "THEM"). Now THEY say it is perfectly ok to lift your arms just be sure that after the baby is born that it MUST sleep on his stomach .....back ....left side ......right side.....sigh.

Hhhmmmm.. I had a point.

They said the disc fusion would be difficult. They said recovery was going to be very long and boring at times and I would probably become inpatient. They said I couldn't lift anything over 5 pounds and and the "cute" little saying of "No BLT'S"...bending, lifting, I could possibly do any of those things in this space capsule I have to wear at all waking moments.

Ok, So They said it would be Difficult...WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA......OK, so I woke up screaming. I suppose some could say that is difficult. I personally would refer to it as (Thesaurus time), beastly, horrendous, grim, heinous, and name a few. They must have missed the 200 times that I told them I had an extremely high tolerance to pain medication AND the fact that I had brought all of my meds in to prove to them that I took an extremely high amount. They must have thought I was joking. I have vague memories of people yelling more Morphine, Valium, Dilaudid STAT!! (P.S Did I mention that STAT means take your time and wander around aimlessly?)

P.S. Did I mention that STAT means take your time and wander around aimlessly?
P.S.S Did I mention I'm still taking the Dilaudid and the Valium?

If I remember correctly, the last time I had a surgery, I woke up quite peacefully in the recovery room. Not screaming and clawing like I had been shot.

Of course many of you are familiar with the "Slight Pressure" you are to expect while giving birth. Or the "Quick Pinch" while they are sticking an IV in your arm with the diameter of a pencil....for the 5th time. "Oops, sorry we'll get that vein next time for sure.....?" LIES, I tell you!! LIES!!

A-hem.....excuse me I think they forgot to mention the mood swings.

I'm getting tired and have SUCH a story to tell! But it's time for my meds and then....well, after the meds, who care?

So, until then.....Don't believe a word THEY say!!




Mocha with Linda said...

Woohoo! So glad to see you're on the mend. . .sort of! Take it slow. And just for the record, I was a much better nurse than those you encountered!

2Thinks said...

Helloooo out there!!! Am soooo glad to hear from yoooou again. (o key sticks)- this post is hilarious, which is awesome, because now I know you are actually feeling mooore yourself, mooooore or less.

An old lady with a big bun on top of her head and a couple of other big buns elsewhere once told me, when I was prego with my first child not to reach for high things on a shelf, because extending my arms upward would up my chances of something terrible happening to bambino (I don't actually remember what, but I do think it did have something to do w/the cord, hmmmm)

Funny. I thought it was just her mind lost in her bun. I guess it was real and circulating at that time.

Well. What are the chances of you posting a pic of the spacesuit you're wearing that prevents you from tying your shoes? Here's the bright side: the next time NASA asks "us" civilians "who wants to volunteer to ride into space with Chimpy and bring back some moon rocks?"- you'll already have the suit! I'll bet "they" will pick you, because of that extra savings for "them".

Did you know there is an entire blog devoted to the misuse of s quotation marks. There is! And she even wrote a book from the blog on that. Check it out:

See. I can find plenty of entertainment for you, as you wait for "them" to give you the next instruction.


2Thinks said...

Oh look, I have a floating s in that comment. I wonder what that means....

Lea said...

I've been thinking of you so much!
Haven't been in blogland much lately but hope you know someone in Arkansas has been thinking of you!

You are so right on in this post. I could feel my dander going up all over again about the pain meds. I'll never forget one time when my Mom was in agony and at such and such oclock could have more ... no one came to bring it. I went to the nurses desk and they just acted like it was no big deal. Went back to the desk a little bit later and she then said she was fixin to call down to the pharmacy for someone to bring it up.* I lost my meekness that day!

I'm sorry it's been a rough haul girl! Hoping and praying you continue to get better and stronger every day. Hang in there!
One day at a time.

Kelly Combs said...

I volunteer to take the photo of you to post on your blog. *grin*

I can do it next time I come over (this week) to help out. wahahahaha.

KrippledWarrior said...

The meds don't relieve pain. They just make you not care about the pain. Am I right?
Be well.

Irritable Mother said...

Aren't you sweet? Even in the midst of your pain and agony, you still make me laugh. *grin*

Glad to know your wit and charm are still intact!

Edie said...

Ohhh I'm SOOOO sorry for the pain you're in!!! I'm glad to see you're still quite the witty one even in dire circumstances. I have been thinking about you and praying for you're quick recovery.

If there is any doubt left in your mind... don't ever believe anything THEY say again. THEY are really THEM in disguise! Yep!

((BIG cyber-HUG))

DWV: spilese

Edie said...

Had to share this next DWV with you.



Edie said...

Time for bed. This is the most blogging I've done in a month. :)


Beverlydru said...

I'm shining my flashlight over your way looking for you and there you are! Thanks for the update.
I'm hesitant to put it in print but I think all doctors lie. Seriously. I suppose they can't possibly tell you the truth because then we would freak out BEFORE and AFTER the (procedure).

But I'm glad that you are recovering and still have your sense of humor.

Prayers for a GOOD day today and that every one will be better than the one before.

Meredith said...

That made me laugh, I know some nurses like that--try to never be that one!! Been thinking of you....hope each day is getting better! "They" say the first two weeks are the worst:).......emailing you in a bit.