Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Conspiracy..Local, National, Wordwide?

I am definitely not a paranoid person. And generally I am not a worrier. I feel it is a huge waste of time to worry about something when there is a good chance it won't even happen...and even if it does, what good did worrying do?

But I am starting to think that maybe something strange is going on. Not my typical , Whirling Dervish, strange, but I think I am on the brink of finding out about a huge conspiracy. I'm not sure if it is a local, national or worldwide conspiracy but something is definitely going on.

The conspirators are trying to make us, the conspiratees, feel like something may be wrong with ourselves. It is a very gradual thing. But after years of meticulous scientific research, I've noticed that the process usually starts when we are around the age of 37 or 38, tends to speed up sometime when we are around the age of 40 and once we pass 40 it takes off at full speed.

According to my calculations, here are a few examples.........

1."They" have changed the size of the print on everyday ordinary things. Things like directions on a can or box of food. The tv channel with the listings of upcoming television shows, even newspapers, books and magazines. Not only are "they" tampering with the size of the letters but "they" have also, somehow, been converting neatly and readable words and letters to blurry, tiny, and sometimes unreadable letters and words. Somehow "they" even got int0 my computer and have adjusted the words on it so that they sometimes are blurry also.

2. The Water! There is something in the water that makes your clothes shrink. I don't mean your typical wash it in hot water and it shrinks. Again, it is a slow and gradual thing that happens slowly as the years go by. The clothes are shrinking and shrinking. The water also must have some strange chemical in it that changes ones hair color. I was born with dark brown, almost black hair. But this chemical must have some sort of bleach in it as some of the hairs are turning a whitish or perhaps a grayish color? I just don't understand.

3." They" are using a different type of material to make mirrors. They have somehow made the mirrors so that it APPEARS as if our pores are larger than they use to be. The mirrors have secret cracks and those cracks reflect on our faces in some sort of a wrinkled look. I don't like this at all.

4. There is DEFINITELY something strange going on with the food. If we eat the same amount that we ate 10-15 years ago, somehow it doesn't metabolize the way it used to. "They" have changed our food so that it makes us gain weight much faster!

5. There is even a change in the atmosphere. Do you remember back in the days before "they" changed the atmosphere? You could stay up late, get just a few hours of sleep and then still get up at an early hour. There must be some kind of drug in the atmosphere that makes us get tired faster and require more sleep.

6. Whatever "they" have done to the atmosphere is also affecting the earths gravity....need I say more? The gravity is affecting our whole body! If you don't believe me, then I'll show you an example. Go and get a hand mirror.

Go on, get it.

For Pete's sake! (who is Pete?) Every time I ask you to go and get something or do something while you are reading my blog, you just sit there and keep reading. now PLEASE, go and get a hand mirror. I promise We'll all wait for you. Just remember that some of us have laundry to do and cannot sit here all day.

Ok, you're back? (as opposed to front?)

Now stand up and bend over at the waist so that your body is at a 90 degree angle (that would be an upside down L in this case). You should be looking at the floor. Now take the mirror and look at your face. Do you see it??? I am SURE there is something in the atmosphere affecting the gravity. There is just no other explanation!

Why are "they" doing this? Is it just my local area? Is it happening all over the United States? Has it become a Worldwide dilemma?

And Who Are "THEY"? Well, I'm glad you asked that because I believe I have stumbled on the answer to that question.



A Yahoo is (in addition to being an internet phenomenon) a race of brutish, degraded creatures subject to the Houyhnhnms and having all the vices of man. A Yahoo is also considered a vicious, coarse person.

So THAT must be who "They" are...The Hordes of Evil Yahoos.

We Must Stop Them!!


Chatty Kelly said...

I think the conspiracy is nationwide. Although I am interested how you discovered the hand mirror incident. Did you drop a hand mirror on the floor, bend to pick it up, and ECK! Why would one do that?

This was funny in a real way - not the ADHD crazy way. :D Um, I think that is a compliment. You stayed on topic the entire time. Your ADHD is improving. Or your writing is. Either way, KUDOS!

What are Houyhnhnms?

My ADHD Me said...

A Houyhnhnms is from the book Gulliver's Travels. They are any of a race of horses with reasoning power and human virtues. So, I believe that means the Yahoos were beneath or ruled by the Houyhnhnms. The Yahoos were more crass and degraded than the "elite?" Houyhnhnms? Maybe?
I never read the book but was curious of what a Yahoo was----you know---something to use for the "Y" in "They". :)

My ADHD Me said...

As for the hand mirror, once I saw someone looking down and noticed that they didn't look the same as they did when the where looking straight. I was curious as to whether or not it was just that person or if it was typical. So, of course I got the mirror, took a look, and EEKKKK!!
Maybe that is why my head is usually in the clouds.

Sue J said...

I refuse to acknowledge the presence of Yahoos because that would mean the conspiracy report ("Onward Living Disease: A Genuine Environment") would be real and not just an X-file.

And why IS your blog so blurry today?

Edie said...

You know I'm beginning to believe that we really are just a tad bit alike cause I did the hand mirror thing a long time ago and I will NOT do it again. EEEEK is an understatement. I saw it on an episode of The Golden Girls.

I have often wondered about that drug in the atmosphere too.... yawn.... I seem to need to take a nap after I get showered and my makeup on.... yawn

Did that make you yawn? Does thinking about yawning make people yawn in the same way that actually yawning in front of them does? Did you know that if you yawn in front of a dog it will make him (or her) yawn? Am I getting off topic? It must be that drug in the atmosphere.

Tammy R said...

Love your post!

I think you've made me a believer in "They"and I thought I was just getting older:)

I done the mirror thing and it's not pretty!So,I'm praying for wisddom to go along with this gray hair...once I stop with the coloring.

The Patterson 5 said...

I am giggling as all this is happening over here too! I still need to make that eye appointment! On the flip side if you lie on your back the mirror trick might just look a little better!

The Patterson 5 said...

Oh, Edie I did yawn after reading your comment and Toby, our dog yawned too!

HisPrincess said...

That hand mirror thing...honestly there are just some things we aren't meant to see!

I'm here to tell you that this conspiracy is definately world wide!

What's the plan? Surely there must be something we can do?

Edie said...

Only 9 comments? It must only be a local conspiracy.

Mrs P - I love your perspective. All we have to do is walk around with our face to the sky. That's why I do that!

And thanks for testing out the yawning experiment too. I haven't tried to get my Tobi to yawn yet.

Edie said...

I KNOW you can do it!!! lol

Edie said...

It appears I am left talking to myself. It wouldn't be the first time. :)

I just had to share this with you. This lady doesn't even have to look *down* into the mirror.

My ADHD Me said...

I can't open that. (and yes, I DID try actually typing it in)

Chatty Kelly said...

ADHD - you must have typed it in wrong. Try highlighting (drag mouse across holding left button). Right click, copy, then past into your browser.

I lost you right?

My ADHD Me said...

Ok, thanks CK...now...

Irritable Mother said...

Conspiracy, I'd say so. And I'm scared! Because I'm turning 37 next week!
And I was just commenting to my husband that it's taking me longer to adjust my focus when I go from looking at something close up to something far away.
And I have three gray hairs by my ear. There used to only be one not too long ago!
And the tired thing? Happens to me all the time.
Whatever it is, whoever "they" are, it's happening in Michigan, too. Waaahhh! I want my mommy!!!

HisPrincess said...

Also the PMS seems to be getting worse...either that or everyone around me is getting stupider. Because somedays I just want to rip their heads off, surely I haven't always been this intolerant? It can't be me...must be a conspiracy.

On Purpose said...

Again you trump all previous blogs and knock my socks off with laughter...okay honestly I wasn't wearing socks today because its warm here...but you did it...you are one funny monkey!

Love you!

Beverlydru said...

Okay- I've dropped by a few times but now I'm hooked. So if I haven't commented before, I'm officially introducing myself. Our son is a Proby in Florida and loves his job.

Chatty Kelly said...

WAY OFF TOPIC - - Did you see CSI tonight?? Brass referred to a show "jumping the shark." Grissom said "what does that mean?" And Brass was like "Happy Days, the Fronz..." And Grissom just looked confused. It was great.

Pam from alertandorientedx4 said...

I needed a chuckle..thanks! Didn't do the mirror thing tho....eh

Pinkshoelady said...

I believe you have hit the nail on the head but I think it goes way deeper than just the "They." It is also "Them!"

"Them" evil spirits help control the "They."

But we have the secret don't we?

We got the ultimate "HIM" on our side!

You are so funny!
I love you my silly friend.