Saturday, July 5, 2008

"Sweet, Sweet Songs and Poems of Childhood"

"There was an old lady who swallowed a fly,
I don't know why, she swallowed that fly,
Perhaps she'll die."

Ah, the sweet songs of childhood.............

"Do your ears hang low.
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow"

So now we're making fun of the physically disabled?

"Yankee Doodle went to town,
Riding on a Pony.
Stuck a feather in his hat and called it macaroni.
Yankee Doodle keep it up.
Yankee Doodle Dandy.
Mind the music and the step(?),
And WITH THE GIRLS BE HANDY."

With the girls be handy?

"Snakes and snails and puppy dog tails.
That's what boys are made of."

What a sweet thing to sing to your newborn baby boy.

"Ring around the rosies.
Pocket full of posies.
Ashes, Ashes,
We all fall DOWN"

You know that "down" in this song is referring to dead. Sweet song.

"There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,
She had so many children she didn't know what to do.
She gave them some broth without any bread,
She whipped them all soundly and sent them to bed."

Can you say CPS?
I think the lyrics of this were changed to "she kissed them all soundly.." by the Politically Correct Police, But they started out as written above.
Hey, yes they did! I have proof. I'm reading it right now from my old copy of Mother Goose & Nursery Rhymes 1966. Why would I lie?

"Eaper Weaper, chimney sweeper,
Had a wife and couldn't keep her,
Had anover, didn't love her,
Up the chimney he did shove her!"

This is a clear cut case of domestic abuse.
He must be Peter Piper's cousin.
What's an Eaper?
Oh, and the book really does say "Anover" instead of another.

Jack Be Nimble---playing with fire?
Red Riding Hood---eaten by a wolf and then surgically removed by a hunter?
Ride A Cock Horse---???
Three Blind Mice---handicapped, carving knives, decapitation
Little Jack Horner---someone give that kid a fork!
Alice And Wonderland---Clearly a psychedelic acid trip.
Snow White---7 Lazy men take advantage of a lost girl & make her stay home and clean up their house all day. And again, exploitation of the physically challenged (dwarfs).
The Lion King (I Loved this movie) but Murder by a Family Member? And that murder
was horrific.

It's a never ending list.

Murderers, Thieves, Evil Stepmoms, Hunters, Poison Apples, Guns, Knives, Killing dogs to make coats....And NO moms.
Where are all the mom's?

CK pointed out to me that her daughter read the book Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
In the book they have a mom. So what was Dick Van Dyke doing out there with Little Miss Toot Sweet?

In the Old Bugs Bunny Cartoons, he had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth in many episodes. Elmer Fudd was always trying to blow his head off and quite often DID blow Daffy Ducks head off---thankfully it always grew right back.

There was a drunk in just about every Pink Panther episode.

"Eddie Cuchy Catcha Kamma Toasta Novo Toasta Nova Samma Gamma Wacky Brown."
"Sticky Sticky Stambo Losso Rambo Hairy Carrie Bushtail Ekki Pawpaw Anishnamore Dumacore"

Both of these kids fell into the well...it took so long to say their names that they both drown.

"Ah, the Sweet, Sweet Songs & Poems of Childhood."

P.S. Some people give me a hard time about letting my kids watch James Bond movies....but geez...I had to get them away from all that violence!

P.S.S. I am now done making fun of children's books, movies, songs, etc (aka-Love you Forever etc). I won't do it again. Really, I won't...unless I do. But at this point, I won't. Probably. Well, I don't plan to anyway.

P.S.S.S.Have an Outstandingly Glorious Day!!

4 comments:

Chatty Kelly said...

How about sweet childhood prayers..."If I should die before I wake." That always scared the pudding out of me!

My ADHD Me said...

CK: Re: your comment on my post "The Spider's Web of CSI"... LOVE IT!! Can't wait to find out what they saw....floating in the lake....

Anonymous said...

Skinny and fatty laying in bed, fatty rolled over now skinny is dead....all that weight lose and the skinny person still died first.

ET

HisPrincess said...

Ha! Loved this post! What a crack up!

Steph (15 year old) had to choose a fairy tale for english, and adapt it into a horror story. She found that she didn't have to do much adapting to Rapunzel!