Dear Mr Number One Fan,
My ADHD Me has retained my services to handle any and all of your correspondences with her. I believe she made it quite clear in her last letter to you that you are not to contact her anymore. (.aka see blog named To My #1 Fan Dated June 11...(thank you CK for the link)
I can understand that you enjoy her blog...who wouldn't? She's funny and has a quirky attitude towards life. (That is the first time I have been able to use the word Quirky in any of my legal correspondences.) Speaking of Quirky, due to the professionalism of this letter to you, I must advise you that I am using the word quirky with the meaning of having or full of quirks. That then takes me to Webster which defines quirk as a peculiarity of action, behavior or personality. A quirk is also noted to be a riding whip with a braided leather lash and a short handle. I ASSURE you that I am referring to the former definition.
Anyway, My ADHD Me has become rather alarmed that you continue not only to send letters...(section A48F255 of the restraining order prohibited any and all correspondence), but now you seem to be aware of her whereabouts at any given time. I must say that this is a concern for me also. You see, I too was at the lake on the same day that she was....I too have seen her at the grocery store.....I even saw her very alarming encounter with the Junebug (see Ode To A June Bug--- (INSERT...Be it known that a portion of all proceeds received from the readers of this and any past/future blogs go to CK for her gracious help with our computer inadequacies (she added the link).) Also, please disregard any thoughts you may have that the writer is plugging past posts.
My ADHD Me has a life other than blogging. She told you before that she cannot sit and write everyday. She told you that she is not consistent. She told you she gets busy...although not always productive. She has important things to do and cannot sit at the computer all day just to satisfy you. FOR GOODNESS SAKE MAN, SHE HAS LAUNDRY TO DO!! Not to mention that her typing skills (probably 25 wpm) (should I say Lack Of Skills) require her to spend way too long on her posts when she does write. That is one of the reasons I am writing for her today.
As her attorney (Pro-Bono at my insistence), I must insist that you IMMEDIATELY stop any and all correspondence with her. Also, if it is known that you are within 500 feet from her at any time....you will have to deal with me! You see....SHE IS MINE!!HA HA HA HA (evil laugh). She is ALL mine. I am the one that sits up nights waiting on her new posts. I am the one that laughs hysterically at her QUIRKY sense of humor and it is I that knows where she is and what she is doing AT ALL TIMES!! I.....not you, I AM HER NUMBER ONE FAN!! STAY AWAY FROM HER!
ahem, as I was saying, Ms My ADHD Me if off limits to you. Hopefully I will be able to assure her that this case is closed. I will be forwarding a copy of this correspondence to Ms My ADHD Me for her records. However, as she is very busy, I will do extensive editing before I send it. And don't worry.....she'll be just fine...I'll make sure of it....after all.. I AM her NUMBER ONE FAN.
N. O. Stalkouski (atty of law)
cc: EDITED VERSION ONLY... My ADHD Me