Thursday, June 12, 2008

Ode To A Junebug

I am a Junebug. (no silly, I'm not really a Junebug,this is just written from a Junebug's point of view). Please stop interrupting me! Now I've lost my train of thought and need to begin again.

I am a Junebug. Less than an hour ago I was happily playing in the light from the back porch light. I was trying to see how many times I could fly into the wall at full speed without putting myself into a coma. Anyway, there I am minding my own business when one of those humans walked outside. I've never seen one up close so I decided to fly over and get a better look. It was a female and she looked a lot like Rosanna Rosanna Dana from those old Saturday Night Live shows. (Just last week I was watching those old reruns thru the window at my best friends house....we were seeing how many times we could fly into the side of the house at full speed without putting ourselves in a coma.)

Anyway, I must have flown too close because her hair reached out and grabbed me! Then she either started dancing or had a seizure. She was jumping up and down, grabbing at her hair, shaking her head. She looked like she wanted to scream but she held it in.

This went on for hours and hours....Ok, ok, actually it was probably 15 seconds but it felt longer and actually since my lifespan is so short, that 15 seconds in my time could be hours in human time. Now I have asked you to please stop interrupting me and there you went and did it again. Geez, can't anybody stay focused anymore??

So, She continued to pull at and grab at her hair. It was either to trap me or let me go, I'm not sure. Anyway the more she pulled at her hair, the more her hair seemed to envelop me. It was like being trapped in a spiders web! I was terrified. She was trying to run her fingers thru her hair to get to me but her hands would get stuck. Finally she stopped. All was silent. I suppose she thought I was gone so I made a little buzzing noise to remind her I was still there. The seizure/dancing started again.

Finally, only by the grace of God, I was able to escape. I think my arm/wing is broken. I have an appointment to go to the ortho-insect in the morning. I am more than just a bit shaken and I have a hair stuck in my throat. I may need to call my shrink in the morning also. It was the single most traumatic experience of my life. I could really use a Zanax right now. At least it looks like it wasn't a party for her either. She went back into the house but as I peek thru the window, I can see her occasionally shaking her head and grabbing at imaginary creepy crawly things. I wish I could sneak up beside her and buzz in her ear. That would REALLY freak her out. hee hee

As for me. I think my arm/wing will heal. The injury hasn't affected my ability to fly into the walls of homes at full speed as many times as I can without going into a coma.

As for the human, I bet she'll imagine hearing me in her hair at least for the rest of the night. HAHA. She looked a little shaken up and out of sorts when she went in.

I am exhausted. I am going over to the light beam and see how many times I can fly into the wall at full speed without putting myself into a coma. then maybe I'll take a nap.

And when my time in this strange universe is over, I am going to leave my outer shell on her back porch as a reminder of our adventure. I'm sure she'll appreciate that.

OK, I really am I'm to go now. There is a wall across the street that I haven't flown into a high speed as many times as I can without going into a coma.

Have a great day.....and watch out for those humans.
P.S. Please disregard the fact that I am a Junebug yet am typing this blog. Just because you've never seen it happen, doesn't mean it isn't possible.
P.S.S. OK, I'm REALLY REALLY going now. Just as soon as I fly into the wall how speed as many times as I can without going.... hello, Who am I? Why am I in this hospital? What do you mean I was in a coma??????????/


My ADHD Me said...

Hi. This is My ADHD Me here, I think my password was stolen by a Junebug. If there are any blogs from him just DISREGARD them, If a junebug were to get stuck in my hair I would calmly and carefully remove him. End of story. Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to go run into the walls as many times as possible without putting myself in a coma.

Chatty Kelly said...

The fact that you leave yourself comments just cracks me up. Didn't you see the comic on my blog (breaking my pride one blog at a time) about the housefly starting a blog? That junebug must have copied his idea.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Scared ya!

Have you thought of wearing a shower cap when you go outside? Bees, now junebugs. Maybe Devon Harris was right, it's little people? Nah, BUZZ OFF Devon!

Sue J said...

Dear Junebug,

If you need a referral to an arthropodic surgeon, I can help you with that. I just flew into SueJ's leg and left her a monster welt with swelling (she literally has no idea what hit her), and I may need to have my appendages checked.

Hope you get the chance to blog in again after you regain your identity. And if you figure out who I am, let SueJ know so she can treat her welt.

The Patterson 5 said...

I am sitting here laughing hysterically! The visual image of you dancing around trying to get the june bug out of your hair and the fact he has to go see his ortho insect! Thanks for the laugh!

Anonymous said...

Dear Junebug this is the funniest thing I've ever read--please keep blogging as your blogs are much funnier than hers.

The seizure/dancing's sister